


Like A Skyscraper ~Larry Stylinson AU~

by LarryShipperForLife



Series: Skyscraper [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Anxiety, Closed Off Harry, Descriptive Self-Harm, Dominant!Louis, Don't Read If Easily Triggered, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Feeling of Loneliness, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Griles, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Overly Possessive!Louis, Physical rape but not mental, Possessive Behavior, Protective!Nick, Protectiveness, Self-Hatred, Separation Anxiety, depressed!harry, everyone loves harry, jealous!louis, past self-harm, protective!zayn, sexuality denial, submissive!harry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-12 13:49:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2112315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LarryShipperForLife/pseuds/LarryShipperForLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this is sort of a test for the actual story. I'm going to publish about 5 chapters and if this gets good feedback then I'll continue. If not I'll just delete it. </p><p>I'm really hesitant about writing this because I don't really like writing stories anymore, but I've wanted to post this for months and I really want to write it, but if it isn't good then I won't.</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is sort of a test for the actual story. I'm going to publish about 5 chapters and if this gets good feedback then I'll continue. If not I'll just delete it. 
> 
> I'm really hesitant about writing this because I don't really like writing stories anymore, but I've wanted to post this for months and I really want to write it, but if it isn't good then I won't.

_“Can you show me where Manchester O2 Apollo arena is?” Harry asked the lad in front of him. The boy turned around and smiled at him._

_“Going to the Script concert?” the lad asked and Harry nodded. “So am I. How about we walk together?” the lad said._

_“Sure.”_

_“So what’s your name Curly?” the lad asked._

_“Harry Styles. What about you?” Harry asked._

_“Louis Tomlinson. Nice to meet you.” he said shaking Harry’s hand._

_***_

2010

X-Factor Auditions

__

“Good luck, Louis.” Harry said, wanting to give Louis a hug, but he knew Louis would only push him away. Hannah was there, his “girlfriend” of six months.

“I don’t need luck Harry.” Louis sighed annoyed, rolling his eyes at the younger lad. Harry sighed as well, only difference was his was a sad sigh. His sister, Gemma, wrapped her arms around Harry in a comforting hug.

Harry was used to Louis talking to him like that, though, it didn’t get any easier for him to hear it. Louis just acted like Harry is just a bother to him, but as he already he said, he’s used to it. He has to be, he can’t leave Louis. He loves him and he knows that somewhere in there Louis loves him too, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

“I really fucking hate him.” Harry heard Gemma say under her breath as she rubbed her hand up and down his arm.

“That makes two of us.” Harry’s mother, Anne, said with anger filling her voice.

“Guys stop.” Harry said as he turned his attention back to Louis just to hear:

“Good luck, Louis.” Hannah chirp and peck Louis cheek. She was talking to someone else when Harry said those exact words to him, but the difference is... Louis was smiling.

“Thanks Hannah.” he said sweetly to her. Harry wanted to leave. It hurt so much to watching them, but he didn’t have a choice anymore, he just can’t live without Louis anymore.

“I really don’t understand you Haz.” Gemma whispered sadly in his hair as the host walked up to the group.

“You up next up Louis.” the host told Louis. Hannah kissed his lips as Harry just stood back in Gemma’s comforting hold. Louis wouldn’t want any encouragement from Harry anyway, not when Hannah is around. Louis walked up onto the stage with confidence. He talked to the judges and made everyone fall in love with him. That’s just what Louis’ good at, Harry guesses (minus his family and some of his friends). Louis sung ‘Hey There Delilah’ and got all yes from the judges. It doesn’t surprise Harry though. Harry thought Louis had an amazing voice. Louis was talking to the judges when:

“Guess who.” someone said covering Harry’s eyes as Gemma let go of him. He knew that accent anywhere.

“Nick?!” Harry yelled spinning around and hugging the older lad. “What are you doing here?” Harry whispered into his shoulder smiling. Nick was his best friend, who he loved to death. He has known Nick since he was a child. They met in a park when some kids were picking on Harry. Harry at the time was 5 and Nick was 14. Nick saw it and scared the kids off. Ever since that day Nick had always had a soft spot for his curly haired best friend and vowed to protect him in anyway he can. Especially from Louis.

His family and friends love Nick and if it were up to all of them, Harry would be dating Nick instead of Louis. Louis knew this so maybe that’s part of the reason he hates Nick with a burning passion. That and his insecure thoughts that Nick is going to take Harry away from him

“I-”

“Oh, why are you here?” Louis spat at Nick, walking down the steps. Louis walked over to Hannah and wrapped an arm around her waist.

“I came to support my best mate, since I know his boyfriend won’t.” Nick said.

“Some shit boyfriend he is.” Gemma muttered under her breath earning an elbow in the side from Anne who, by the look of the grin on her face, completely agreed with her.

“Harry, you have a boyfriend?” Hannah asked shocked. Harry shook his head, trying not to look at Louis’ protective arm around Hannah’s waist.

“No, Nick was just kidding. Right Nick?” Harry asked, his eye pleading for Nick to go along.

“Yeah.” Nick said, glaring at Louis who was glaring right back. They despise each other. Nick because Louis treating Harry terribly and Louis because he doesn’t like Harry being close with anyone, but him. And he just knew that Nick wants to take Harry away from him so Nick can call him his. “Even if he did it would probably be a shit boyfriend because no offense Har, but you obviously would have terrible taste in men.” Nick snickered earning a stifled laugh from Anne and Gemma, an elbow from a blushing Harry, a light chuckle from Hannah, and a death glare from Louis.

“He must not have terrible taste in men if he knows to stay away from you.” Louis spat out at him. Nick’s face fell and next thing you know the two boys are having a glaring contest.  

“Oh, well just know that I will support you if you are.” Hannah said, sensing the tension, getting out of Louis’ embrace and giving Harry a hug. This was what was wrong with Hannah, she was impossible to hate. She was so sweet and caring. Not as much as Harry though, just one of the reasons why everyone loves them both.

“Harry Styles, you’re up next. Good luck.” the host said smiling. Harry wanted to look over at Louis, but immediately turned to Nick instead, missing the hurt and jealous look on the older boy’s face. Nick cupped Harry’s cheeks with his hands gently, forcing Harry to look at him.

“You got this Haz, okay? Go be the star you are.” Nick said, kissing his forehead.

“Alright.” Harry said.

“Good luck sweetie.” Anne said kissing his cheek. He could tell she was nervous for him. “You can do it.”

“You can do it Haz, go sing your pretty big heart out.” Gemma told him, hugging him then kissing his cheek, before it’s Hannah’s turn.

“Good luck Harry.” Hannah said giving him a kiss on the cheek. “I know you can do it. You do better than Louis. You are going to do it better than Louis.” she whispered in his ears and it gave him the confidence he needs. Louis did amazing and if Hannah, Louis’... girlfriend, thinks he can do better than he’ll do his best to prove her right.

“Does anyone else want to give him a kiss or a hug?” the host asked laughing, but whisked   Harry away before Louis could give him a kiss on the cheek. The host gave Harry a microphone and with that he take a deep breath and walked on stage. People cheered loudly for him.

“How are you?” Simon asked.

“Hello.” Harry said at the same time as Simon.

“Nice to meet you. What’s your name?” Simon asked.

“I’m Harry Styles.” Harry said. Simon opened his mouth, but people cheered interrupting him.

“Okay Harry how old are you?”

“Sixteen.” Harry told him.

“Sixteen.” Simon repeated. “Okay so tell me a bit about you.”

“Um, I work in a bakery.”

“And Harry, so you left school gone to work there yeah?”

“I work on Saturdays.”

“Yeah.”

“But I finished my GCSE's just now, so I’m going back to college in September.”

“And what are you going to study at college?” Simon asked. Nosey much?

“Um, Law, Sociology. Um business, and something else, but I’m not sure yet.” Harry said, counting on his fingers.

“Wow.” Simon said, a baffled expression covering his features, not really sure what to think as the audience laughed. “So what are you doing here today?” Simon inquired.

“Um, well I’ve always wanted to audition, but I’ve always been too young.”

“Okay. Alright, now, what are you going to sing?” Simon asked, Harry having his full attention now.

“Um, I’ll do ‘Isn’t She Lovely’ by Stevie Wonder.”

“Okay, good luck.” Simon said moving around some papers the looking back at Harry.

_“Isn't she lovely_

_Isn't she wonderful_

_Isn't she precious_

_Less than one minute old_

_I never thought through love we'd be_

_Making one as lovely as she_

_But isn't she lovely made from lo-ove._ ” Harry finished, taking a slight bow, biting below his lip.

“Nicole, what did you think?” Simon asked Nicole who was sitting to his right.

“Ah, I’m really glad that we had the opportunity to hear you in acapella because we could really hear how great your voice is.”

“Thank you.”

“For sixteen years old you have a beautiful voice.” she complimented.

“Thank you.”

“Louis.” Simon said fastly.

“I agree with Nicole, I- However, I think, I think you’re so young, I don’t think you have enough experience or confidence yet.” Louis told him. ‘Boos’ come from the audience.

“m’kay.” Harry answered, getting down a tad bit.

“Ah, someone in the audience said rubbish and I completely agree with them.” Simon commented, Harry lets out a breath of relief as the crowd cheered. “Because, you know, the show is designed to find someone at year whether you’re, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, it doesn’t matter. I think with a bit of vocal coaching you could actually be very good.” Simon pointed out.

“Thank you. Thanks.” Harry blushed, smiling like a complete madman, dimples in all.

“Okay, Lou-ee.” Simon said, dragging out his name. Louis let out a breath.

“Harry, for all the right reasons I am going to say no.” Louis told him. The crowd booed loudly as Harry stood there, his hope diminishing.

“I actually don’t think they booed you loud enough.” Simon commented and the crowd booed louder than before.

“Boo.” Harry said cutely into the microphone, making please laugh and gush.

“Nicole?”

“I like you Harry, I’m gonna say yes.” Nicole speaked up over the crowd.

“Thank you.” Harry thanked her for what felt like the millionth time that night.

“And you’ll be happy to hear, I’m going to be agreeing with Nicole. You’re through.” Simon told smiling.

“Thank you!” Harry answered smiling so much his dimples are as deep as craters. “Thanks so much.” Harry said as he walked off the stage and run into Nick’s waiting arms while Gemma and Anne stand there, smiling at the scene unfold; then ran to hug Harry as well.

“Harry, that was amazing!” Anne and Gemma yelled at the same time.

“Thanks.” he answered sheepishly, pulling away from Nick to hug them both.

“Look we have to go, but that was amazing honey.” Anne said pulling back from the hug along with Gemma and they both kiss his cheeks. They walked away, more so skipped, and when they are out the door Nick pulled him into another tight hug.

“You did so good Haz! I don’t even understand Louis’ mind.” Nick whispered into his shoulder.

“Which one?” Harry asked, his face in Nick’s chest. There was quite a height difference.

“Both.” Nick said causing Harry to laugh. When they pulled back from the hug Harry is pulled backwards and into Louis’ strong, possessive arms.

“Good job babe.” Louis said pecking Harry’s lips whose eyes widened while a blush takes over his pale cheeks.

“Louis! Why did you do that?” Harry asked frantically while looking around for anyone who wasn’t the three boys.

“What? Kiss my boyfriend?” Louis questioned dumbfounded. Harry nodded. “Because I wanted to and I have the right to do so.” Louis said.

“But what if someone saw. And where’s Hannah at? What if she saw?” Harry questioned, still looking around frantically.

“Don’t worry love, she had to go home and no one is here beside me, you, and him.” Louis answered, saying the last bit in disgust.

“Well it’s nice to know that you at least give one fuck about him.” Nick spat out at Louis.

“You know wha-”

“Can you two please not do this here?” Harry whined cutely, even if it wasn’t meant to be. He hated it when they fight, it only ends up worse for him in the long run.

“No he needs to learn to mind his own business.” Louis growled. He let go of Harry and walked towards Nick.

“If it involves Harry and how you treat him like shit then yeah its my business.” Nick countered, walking towards Louis.

“I do not-”

“Fine.” Harry huffed to himself and walked out.

He was sick and tired of those two fighting. He understood both sides, but it still irritated him. Nick was just trying to protect him which he understood. It isn’t easy for him to see his boyfriend make out with a girl because he can’t deal with the fact that he’s gay.

But then if Nick, or a guy, or anyone for that matter comes near Harry, Louis goes into possessive mode. He can also understand why Louis is doing this to him. Louis can’t accept the fact that he’s gay and Harry will just wait until he accepts it because he loves Louis.

Its times when Harry is alone that he wishes he had his blade back. Yes, he used to self harm. Yes he quit. He quit for Louis, but now Louis is part of the reason he wants to do it again. He shook the thoughts out of his head and continued his walk home, but the parking lot was huge, it was like a maze. He didn’t live with Louis, even though Louis insisted that he did so he could see Harry everyday, he lived alone. He didn’t want to be around to hear Louis and Hannah have sex or make out or be all cute together because it just makes the pain worse.

“Harry!” Someone yelled. He turned to be met by the two idiots he just left.

“Yeah?” he asked, not really interested in talking to either of them. Today was supposed to be a happy day, fight free.

“Why did you just leave without telling me where you were going?” Louis asked spinning him around.

“I wouldn’t have been able to get a word in with you two fighting again.” Harry said spinning around continuing to Nick’s car-since he has a set of the keys-with either boy on his side. “I swear it’s like you two are a divorced couple fighting for custody over me.” Harry said.

“I would never date that thing.” Louis spat with disgust.

“At least we agree on something.” Nick said, same disgust was heard in his voice.

“I never said you would I saw just saying that’s what it feels like.” Harry said. “Gosh that would be weird. My two best mates dating.” Harry cringed. He didn’t like the thought of sharing Louis or Nick, although he obviously has to share Louis with Hannah.

“You mean your boyfriend and best mate.” Louis said, bringing Harry into a side hug. Are you confused? Well, Harry is dating Louis, Louis is dating Harry and Hannah. Harry knows, but Hannah has no clue. Louis doesn’t want to accept the fact that he loves Harry, thus why he started dating Hannah a few months after he started dating Harry. Why is he dating Harry? Louis can’t live with the fact that Harry could possibly go to someone else other than him, that’s why he’s dating Harry.

“Yeah, yeah sure, now don’t you have a date with Hannah soon?” Harry asked sadly -which Nick picked up on-, but Louis didn’t hear it. Harry always sounded like that.

“Yeah, but I’m coming over to your flat afterwards so if anyone is there make sure they leave by 8.” Louis said.

“Kay.” Harry replied, then turned to Nick. “Do you want to come over? We haven’t had much time to hang out lately.” Harry asked.

“Yeah, I need to talk to you alone any-”

“No you two are not going to be in a flat alone.” Louis stated.

“Come on Louis! It’s not like anything is going to happen.” Harry said.

“No Harry. I know you’re too stupid and naive to see, but he wants you to be his and break us up.” Louis said angrily.

“That’s not true!” Harry said, although he may wish it was a tiny bit true. He’s had a crush on Nick since he was 7. “You know what it’s my flat. Come on Nick.” Harry said walking Nick’s to the car and starting it up. Nick gave Harry a set of keys to his car. Yes they were that close. Nick walked beside Louis and stopped.

“You were spot on, except this is more about getting Harry away from you before he does something stupid because you keep hurting him.” Nick growled and walked after Harry. Louis shook with anger and ran after the two, but they drove away before he could catch them.

“Damn it!” Louis said punching a pole that was next to him. He couldn’t lose Harry. He knows he loves him, but a man loving a man is wrong in his eyes, that’s why he’s dating Hannah. He doesn’t even like Hannah though, everything he does with her he pictures it’s Harry. When they kiss, when they cuddle, laugh, drink, have sex, go on dates. Everything, Harry’s always on his mind. He doesn’t even want to go on this damn date.

***

Harry flopped on the couch as they walked through the door of his flat, Nick following the suit.

“So. We need to talk about something…” Nick trailed off. Harry looked over at Nick with his head, but didn’t move the rest of his body.

“Yes?” Harry asked sweetly.

“So we’ve known each other for a while now, a lot longer than you’ve know Louis…” Nick trailed off.

“Yeah…” Harry said, wondering where Nick was going with this.

“Well, you trust me right?” Nick asked.

“Of course.” Harry said sitting up and faced Nick.

“Good, and you could never hate me right?” Nick asked, getting closer to Harry.

“How could I, you’re my best mate. I could never hate you even if I wanted too.” Harry said.

“That’s good.” Nick said and leaned in, connecting his lips with Harry’s.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted the second chapter after the first was boring

Nick’s lips were warm and created a tingly feeling on Harry’s lips. It was nothing compared to the feeling Louis’ lips gave him. Nick pulled back a few seconds later, examining Harry’s face looking for anger or surprise, but it wasn’t any of that. It was sadness.

“Harry you need to leave Louis.” Nick said, stroking his neck.

“But I can’t, I need him like I need air, Nick. I can’t live without him.” Harry said, his eyes filling with tears. “And now I’m going to lose him.” Harry said.

“Harry, don’t you think that may be for the best?” Nick said, cupping Harry’s face forcing the crying boy to look him in the eye. “Harry he’s hurting you. You shouldn’t have to hide your relationship. He shouldn’t be dating Hannah while he’s dating you. He doesn’t even want to believe he’s gay.” Nick said, wiping a stray curl from Harry’s face. “You deserve someone so much better even if it’s not me. You shouldn’t be hurt, you need a guy who isn’t ashamed of your relationship. A guy that isn’t dating someone else. Someone who knows they’re gay and accepts it…” Nick said leaning in again. “Someone like me.” Nick said and kissed him again. Harry pulled away.

“What the hell!” someone yelled. Not just anyone, but Louis. Nick groaned not even turning around and he knew who it was.

“Can I help you?” Nick asked, turning his head so he was looking behind him at Louis.

“Yeah, you can get the hell away from my boyfriend.” Louis said walking over and pulling Nick away from Harry, throwing him on the ground. He kicked Nick out of the flat, literally, and told him he was never allowed around Harry again. He wasn’t even paying attention to Harry’s screams, begging him to stop and to take it back. Once he was done he turned to Harry who was trying to get away, but Louis pushed him back on the couch and sat on top of him.

“Get off of me, please!” Harry said, struggling to get Louis off of him.

“You’re mine, understand you stupid little slut. Mine. Now if I ever see you hanging out with him again I swear you will regret it. Understand?” Louis hissed. Harry shook his head ‘no’.

“He’s my best, you can’t just force me to never see him again!” Harry yelled.

“I can force you to do whatever I want because you’re mine Harry. You became mine the first day we became friends and now I own you more since you’re my boyfriend.” Louis said, leaning down to peck Harry’s lips. “Your lips are mine.” He moved to his neck. “Your neck is mine.” He moved to his collarbone.

“Louis stop it!” Harry said struggling.

“You don’t tell me what to do.” Louis said and slapped Harry’s face.

“Louis please.” Harry cried, his eyes filling with tears. Louis face softened and released his grip on Harry’s wrists.

“I’m sorry Haz. I just can’t deal with the fact that I may lose you.” Louis said and kissed his lips, wiping the tears from his face. Louis pulled back and Harry wasn’t crying anymore.

“I’m sorry Louis.” Harry said, hugging him tightly. “but please don’t make me not see him again, he’s my best friend.” Harry said, starting to get teary again.

“Fine, but if it happens again, I’m going to kill him.” Louis said. Harry giggled and nodded. "I'm not kidding, Harry. I will kill him." Louis said and connected his lips with Harry's. Harry nodded as his and Louis’ lips moved together in a slow dance of lips and tongues. Louis moved down to Harry’s neck, but then a phone rang.

“Really?” Louis groaned and answered his phone. “Yes?” he asked. “Oh, of course. We’ll be down soon. Okay, bye.” Louis said and hung up.

“Who was that?” Harry asked.

“Simon, he wants to talk to us.” Louis said.

“Oh, okay.” Harry said, going to get up, but Louis pushed him back down.

“We have time to finish what we were starting.” Louis whispered.

“No we don’t, I need to fix my curls.” Harry said pushing Louis off of him gently and getting up. Louis groaned and mentally cursed Simon.

“Ready to go?” Harry asked Louis.

“Yeah.” Louis said, putting a beanie on.

 

Present time

 

That was only a year and few months ago, but it feels like forever ago to Harry. It haunts him. It was the day everything changed. Simon had found out they were together and eventually, against his better judgement, put them in a band together. A month later Simon had found out they were snogging behind a public restaurant and decided to put an end to it. He said they could be together, but they had to hide.

That day Louis changed completely. Louis has been completely cold to Harry ever since. Occasionally being nice to him, but it was rare. Those were the days Harry craved for.

Louis usually left Harry to go out to clubs or go with Hannah, leaving Harry alone to comfort himself since he can’t go to Nick. The last time he did Louis beat the shit out of Nick, scaring him away. All because Harry wanted comfort. At least he can still turn to the comfort of his wonderful blades.

“Harry come on, it’s time.” Liam says, taking his hand. Harry nods and lets Liam drag him backstage.

“Alright.” Harry says, putting on the fake smile he wears, his mask. It was the perfect mask, everyone thinks he is happy. It scares him how oblivious people are nowadays or at least how they pretend for things to be alright so things don’t have to change simply because…

Humans are afraid of change and there is no way around it.

“You boys are on, go!” someone tells them, but Harry didn’t even bother to learn who it is. What their job even is.

“Hello Manchester, how are you all doing tonight?” Liam asks and the crowd screams. They are playing in the same arena that brought Harry and Louis together. Harry already wants the night to be over. To his delight he is actually having a nice time and the night did go by fast. Soon they are saying their goodbyes and walking off the stage and what felt like for the first time in a long time, Harry smiles. Harry’s smile is a genuine smile, of course until he got off stage and saw Hannah, that’s when it became fake again.

“That was amazing!” Niall yells, jumping on Harry’s back. Harry catches a glare from the corner of his eyes, a glare belonging to Louis.

“Yeah, yeah Niall, now would you get off of me?” Harry asks chuckling. Niall pouts, but obliges.

“I say we go out and celebrate. Who’s with me?” Niall asks and all the boys, but Harry, nods.

“I think I’m going to go back to the hotel, I’m really tired.” Harry says.

“Are you sure?” Liam asks. “Do you want someone to stay with you?” Liam asks.

“Yeah, I can come with yo-”

“He doesn’t need a babysitter. If he says he wants to go to the hotel because he’s tired let him.” Louis snaps at them, interrupting Zayn.

“And why don’t you just shut up because he can talk for himself.” Zayn snaps back at Louis whose arm was wraps around Hannah’s waist.

“Louis’ right, I’ll be fine.” No he won’t. “I just need to sleep.” forever. No he didn’t think that. He hardly ever thinks like that and he wasn’t going to tonight.

“Alright as long as you’re sure.” Zayn says, not really wanting to go if Harry isn’t because he only really likes Harry, he doesn’t really like the other three in the band. Liam is too responsible and a buzzkill. Niall is too loud and annoying. And then Louis… Well Zayn can think of a million reasons, but to sum it all up he was a jackass to Harry and he sasses Zayn way to much for his liking. “I’ll probably end up going to the hotel early anyway.” Zayn tells him, ignoring the look he’s getting from Louis.

“I’m sure, now go have fun guys.” Harry says and they all parts ways. There is a car waiting for Harry, but he decides to walk. Maybe if he is lucky he would meet a car, and that car would hit him. Or maybe just someone to take this pain in his heart away.

The arena isn’t far from the hotel so it only took a few minutes for Harry to get to his hotel. Normally he would talk to someone like the lady or man at the front desk at any hotel, but today he just wants his blade.

Its sad that he’s began picking up his old habits, but why does it matter anymore? The one who was able to get him to quit hardly gives him a passing glance unless someone is flirting with him or said person wants to spend time with him, just as he yells at Zayn a few minutes ago.

Harry doesn’t like this, this, numb feeling all the time. He used to be just sad and depressed, but now he’s just numb, but wouldn’t you? The guy you’re in love with is dating a girl while he’s dating you. He used to show you that he at least care a little bit about you, but now never talks to you. You try to move on, but he won’t let anyone you could potentially see yourself with get near you. He’s distancing you from the people you love. Stealing your happiness from you and you can’t do anything about it. You don’t know what you did wrong, to deserve him treating you like you’re nothing. And to top it off you still fall more in love with him each day.

Harry was now in the lift, almost at his floor. He hates that he has to share a hotel room with Louis, but he also enjoys the fact that Louis is so oblivious to the fact that he harms himself again. Harry wonders if he left for a few days, and told everyone but Louis, if he would notice Harry was gone. Probably not.

The ding from the lift snaps him out of his thoughts and he rushes as the doors open, running to his room, desperate for the feeling of the blade running across his no longer scared wrist. Management forces him to get this scar cream so people wouldn’t find out about the depressed period of his life.

If only they know it wasn’t a period and that it was only creating more places to create newer, deeper cuts. If only they know it makes him more depressed for them to take away his precious lines he thinks is beautiful, the red lines are works of art for him. Creating these lines is truly a release and makes Harry feel alive, not the other way around. It doesn’t make him want to end it, but makes him want to live, to keep feeling the sting. But no one understands that, no one he knew anyway.

Nick thought it was just because Harry was depressed, the boys thought it was because he had no one to talk to so they tried being there for him, and Louis just thought it was for attention, well that’s what he thinks now at least. Before Louis knew it was because Harry thought he was alone, but now he truly is alone. And maybe he’s used to that. Maybe he’s okay with that. Maybe he likes it like that.

He unlocks the door and rushes to the bathroom. He opens the bag he has hidden in the back of the towel cabinet. He undoes the top ribbon that keeps it together and pulls out his three favorite blades. He has many, only repeating the use of these three, to stop infection. Besides once cut once the sharpness won’t be at it’s peak.

The three blades in front of him were different in size, but still has the same sharpness it did when he first used it. They were the first ones he’s ever used, they were special to him. He always made sure they were kept sharp and clean and he only used on them special occasions. He’ll use just one of them for when he feels numb, like he was just a ghost walking the earth without a purpose. Or on the rare occasion when he feels like ending it he’ll use all three and he’ll feel better for about a week. Enough time for the thoughts to escape his mind.

He picked up the smallest one and examined it. He hardly uses this one, it’s the sharpest of the three and always made him feel like he was high. Gosh he sounds insane, but it gives him a high that he loves. Maybe after he does this he will go to the club and join the lads. Yeah, that sounds perfect.

He wraps the other two back up and put them in the bag. He twirls the blade around with his fingers with a smile gracing his lips. He places the blade gently on his pale wrist, then applying enough pressure to break through the skin. He waits to see the beautiful red blood to slice his wrist harshly, but clean and precise, creating a perfectly straight line. He does it again and again and again and again, until he had a slash for every letter of Louis’ name. He’s a sick bastard and he loves it.

He reaches in the bag and pulls out one of those huge band-aids he doesn’t really remember the name of considering he only has the band-aid and not the box. He runs his cut under burning water, loving the endless sting it gave. Next, he put chloraseptic on, it too giving a burn he loved, before he carefully places the band-aid on his cuts. He throws the wrapping away and washes the blade off, making a mental note to sharpen it later.

He puts everything back where it was and decides to catch up with the boys.

What club are you guys at?xx -H

Harry throws his phone on his bed and went over to his bag, picking out many different bracelets to cover up the bandage.

The one right acrossed the street from the arena, are you going to join us? xx -Z

Yeah, I’ll be there soon, get me something strong.xx -H

Harry sent the text and throws on a coat and his brown boots, grabbing his wallet, phone, and keys he was off to go get drunk off his ass. So what if he was underage? He would be 18 in a few weeks, he close enough.

He makes it to the club in a matter of minutes and was in the club in a matter of seconds, seeing as he was Harry Styles, apart of the biggest boy band in the world. He looks around for any of the boys just to see: Liam and Niall dancing with two very attractive women, Zayn at the bar, and Louis dancing with Hannah. Louis’ eyes shoots up from Hannah’s lips to Harry’s eyes. Green and blue met, but green looks away, as they always did. Harry turns and walks towards Zayn who was smiling widely at him.

“I’m so glad you decided to come Haz.” Zayn says wrapping his arm around Harry’s shoulder.

Zayn was the closest to Harry because he doesn’t like the other three, as stated already. He probably wouldn’t like Harry if it wasn’t for the one day in boot camp.

***

“Hey, what are you doing here by yourself?” Harry asked, walking over to a overly-stressed Zayn.

“I don’t want to dance in front of everyone. I’ll make a fool out of myself.” Zayn said, looking up.

“So you’re the famous Zayn Malik every girl here is pinning over.” Harry said and Zayn nodded. “Well, I’m Harry Styles, nice to meet you Zayn.” Harry said sticking his hand out for Zayn to take.

“So you are the famous Harry Styles that has everyone is gushing over how cute you are.” Zayn mocked and Harry laughed.

“I guess, but now isn’t the time to be focusing on how adorable I am,” Harry replied cheekily. “It’s time for you to get on stage and dance like its the last day you can walk.” Harry said, becoming serious.

“But I can’t dance.” Zayn uttered out.

“Neither can I, I’m a clumsy fool that looks like I just got a new pair of legs, “ Zayn chuckled. “But that isn’t going to stop me from living my dream.” Harry said, wrapping an arm around Zayn shoulders giving him a side hug.

“You’re right.” Zayn said hugging him back. They stayed like that until a cough broke them apart.

“Harry get over here.” Louis snarled at him. Zayn saw a flash of fear in Harry’s eyes before it left and was replaced by happiness. Zayn brushed it off as Louis just startling Harry.

“Coming Louis.” Harry said, giving Zayn one last hug before he scampered off to Louis like a child to their strict parent.

***

What Zayn didn’t know was that Harry was afraid of Louis. Zayn didn’t know it was Harry creating his mask, perfecting it before the 3rd week of X-Factor, to hide the pain he felt.

“Yeah, I decided to let loose and have some fun.” Harry says, gulping down the drink Zayn got him.

“Don’t let Louis know, or you may be in for one hell of a night.” Zayn sighs, sipping his beer. Zayn knows about Louis and Harry’s… “Relationship?”, if you can even call it that. Zayn doesn’t care about their relationship, only if Harry was upset over something Louis does which was a rare occasion. Harry didn’t cry in front of people, Harry no longer wears his heart on his sleeve.

“Nah, I’ll be fine, he’s with Hannah. Besides, we aren’t together or anything.” Harry says, hiding the hurt in those words.

“5 Vodka shots please.” Harry says to the bartender, winking at him who in turn gave him a seductive look back.

“Coming right up babe.” the bartender winked and went off to get the shots. It was times after Harry paints scars on his body he doesn’t really care how Louis felt about anything.

“You two broke up?” Zayn asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Here you go.” the bartender says biting his lip at Harry. Harry thanks him, kissing his cheek then taking two shots, one after another.

“Well he hardly ever gives me the time of day unless he wants to have sex and Hannah’s not around so… I would say I’m not anything more than a sex toy to him.” Harry answers. Another shot.

“But is he going to want to share you with someone else?” Zayn counters, Harry just shrugs. He is to focus on the stinging feeling on his wrist to give a fuck about anything. One more shot.

“He’s just going to have to get used to sharing his toys.” Harry says, downing the last two shots and headed out to the dance floor, the alcohol starting to make him tipsy. He looks for someone to dance with when he felt a muscular body on his. He didn’t look behind him to see who it was, he just starts to grinding back onto the stronger man, having the time of his life. They dance dirtily for two more songs, until Zayn told him it was time to go. Harry nods and told the man bye who inturned gave Harry his number which Harry took with a blush. He definitely did not give the guy his number back. Nope.

"No wonder everyone calls you a flirt, get some Styles.” Hannah says, wrapping her arm around Harry’s shoulders, winking at him. Harry told Hannah about him being gay about a month and a half ago when she overheard him talking to Nick(secretly on the phone) about a guy he saw that day.

“H-Hannah, I’m not going to call him.” Harry blushes, -him being a bit tipsy not helping his embarrassment- making sure not to make eye contact with Louis.

“Come on Harry he’s fit.” she says, wiggling her eyebrows, making him laugh nervously and shake his head.

“Hannah, he’s not interested in trash like that guy.” Louis snaps, his jealous and possessive sides taking over.

“Calm down Lou, I was just joking around. I know how possessive you are over Harry.” Hannah teases. Oh, but if only she knows how right she was. Louis nods and hugs Harry from behind, resting his head on Harry’s shoulder. Harry tenses making Louis frown. Louis waits for Hannah to turn around and talk to Liam before kissing Harry’s neck.

“Give me that guy’s number.” Louis snaps.

“Louis, why? I’m not going to c-call him or anything, b-besides he has my number too.” Harry hiccups.

“Why the fuck did you give him your number?” Louis asks, biting Harry’s neck.

“He a-asked for it.” Harry says as if it’s obvious when really, well, it is.

“Fine.” Louis huffs. He continues to kiss Harry’s neck feeling that Harry was still really tense.

“Why are you so tense babe? Want me to take care of that tonight?” Louis asks, sucking on the skin where Harry’s neck meets his shoulder.

“I-I’m just t-tired. Isn’t H-Hannah s-staying with us a-anyway? In our r-room?” Harry asks as he tenses more if that’s possible.

“Nah, she has to leave tonight. That leaves time for us to spend sometime together.” Louis whispers in his ear, nibbling on the shell of his ear. “Alone time.”

“Not tonight.” Harry says firmly, managing not to stutter even with his simi-tipsy state, and gets out of Louis’ embrace just as Hannah turns around.

“Well, I’m off. Good to see you Harry.” Hannah says, giving him a tight squeeze. “I’m coming to see you in a week.” Hannah tells him.

“Shouldn’t you t-tell Loui-”

“Just you. I have some things I need to discuss with you. Don’t tell anyone about my visit okay?” she whispers in his ear and he nods. She pulls back with a warm smile.

“Great, bye Lou.” she says kissing him passionately, making Harry look away and keeps on walking.

“I’m sorry Haz-”

“Don’t be, I’m f-fine.” Harry tells Zayn who brought him into a hug, basically cuddling Harry, as they stumble through the crowd and into a car. As soon as Louis got in the car he pulls Harry away from Zayn and into his lap.

“Why the hell are you holding him like that?” Louis asks, gripping Harry tightly like he would float away.

“Because I’m allowed too. Beside he needed someone to comfort him since you won't.” Zayn says, going to pull Harry back to him, but Louis just holds him tighter.

“I can comfort him, I don’t need you doing it for me.” Louis spits, gripping Harry so tightly it hurt him to breath.

“L-Lo-uis.” Harry breaths out with the little breath he had.

“What?” Louis snaps at Harry.

“I-I can’t brea-the.” Harry whispers because it was honestly all he could do.

“Oh, sorry.” Louis says sheepishly, loosening his grip on Harry’s waist, but kept it so Harry couldn’t get up without his permission.

“Well you obviously don’t know when he needs comfort because he needs it a lot.” Zayn muttered, but Louis still heard it.

“What are you talking about?” Louis whispers in his ear while Harry talked to Liam and Niall about going to Niall’s room to play video games.

“Maybe if you would pay a bit of attention to the poor kid you would know.” Zayn said. And that was the end of that conversation.

***

Harry sillily waves goodbye to the boys as Louis starts to drag him inside by his arm to their hotel room. Thankfully he had his hand around Harry’s elbow and not his wrists.

“Louis slow d-down.” Harry giggles trying tugging his arm away from Louis. They are coming back from Niall’s room where there was video games, truth or dare, and alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

Louis remains silent and tugs harder onto Harry’s arm. Louis angrily swipes the keycard in the slot and pulls Harry inside, slamming the door.

“What aren’t you telling me?” Louis said, pushing Harry down on the couch so he was sitting then started to pace in front of him. Harry just follows him with his confused eyes as he sits on the couch watching him.

“What are you talking about Lou Lou?” Harry asks, tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy while Louis laughs angrily.

“What the hell are you keeping from me? Why the hell would you need comfort from Zayn.” Louis demands instead of asking.

“Oh!” Harry exclaims as he now understands what Louis is talking about. “Because I can’t get comfort from Nick.” Harry says, shuddering slightly from remembering the last time he saw his best friend. Harry’s words, those got Louis to stop pacing, but become even angrier.

“I told you to never say his fucking name again.” Louis says. Harry remembers. He wishes he was drunk enough so he didn’t.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize to Samar Nasir because I promised to update and it totally slipped my mind. So this chapter is for you love. xx

****

“What aren’t you telling me?” Louis said, pushing Harry down on the couch so he was sitting then started to pace in front of him. Harry just followed him with his confused eyes as he sat on the couch watching him.

“What are you talking about Lou Lou?” Harry asks, tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy while Louis laughs angrily.

“What the hell are you keeping from me? Why the hell would you need comfort from Zayn.” Louis demands instead of asking.

“Oh!” Harry exclaims as he now understands what Louis is talking about. He giggles. “Because I can’t get comfort from Nick, duh.” Harry says, shuddering slightly from remembering the last time he saw his best friend. Harry’s words, those got Louis to stop pacing, but become even angrier.

“I told you to never say his fucking name again.” Louis says. Harry remembers. He wishes he was drunk enough so he didn’t.

***

Three months earlier

"Nick?" Harry whimpered as he walked through his friends flat door. Nick's head immediately snapped up from where he was watching the news.

"Hey what’s wrong?” Nick asked rushing over to Harry as he was about to fall to the floor.

“I’m so sorry. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I couldn’t stand it anymore.” Harry cried, holding onto Nick for dear life.

“Harry…” Nick picked Harry up bridal style and carried him to his original seat. “What are you going on about? What happened?” Nick asked, gently lifting Harry’s face so he was looking into Harry’s eyes.

“L-Louis a-and H-Hannah w-were… having sex i-in o-our room, i-in m-my flat and I-I… I-I couldn’t t-take the pa-in in my h-heart anymore…” Harry trailed off.

“H-Harry what did you do?” Nick asked, although he’s 99.999 percent sure he knows what Harry did.

“I-I” Harry stuttered. He couldn't say it, he wouldn’t be able to take seeing the disappointment in Nick’s eyes.

“Harry what did you do?” Nick asked, his voice firm and hard, but it didn’t scare Harry. Harry could never be scared of Nick.

“Don’t make me say it p-please Nick.” Harry pleaded.

“Show me then.” Nick said and Harry nodded after a few moments of hesitation. Harry stood up and grabbed the hem of his shirt, lifting it up and off of his body. Nick gasped as he looked at Harry’s hips and chest, his wrists and arms. He looked at the cuts and realised Harry wasn’t done. Harry unbuttoned his pants, letting them drop to the floor and stepping out of them.

Scars, old and new, littered his milky white body. His pale skin filled with pink and puffy scars, red and deep cuts. Words were carved into his skin.

Worthless

Fat

Stupid

Man Whore

Gay

Faggot

Unloved

Louis

 

Nick felt tears in his eyes and it took all he had not to let them fall. All these were carved into his body. Some were scars. Fat, Stupid, Man Whore, Gay, Faggot. The rest were freshly carved into his chest, stomach, thighs and wrists. Unloved, Louis, Worthless. It broke Nick’s heart.

“H-Harry, why would you do this to yourself?”

“Because it makes everything better. It makes the pain go away.” Harry cried, smiling slightly. Nick wasn’t even trying to fight off the tears anymore, he let them flow freely.

"Harry... You need to leave Louis. Look at what he's doing too you." Nick sighed standing up and grabbing Harry’s clothes. “Get dressed, we’re going back to your flat.” Nick said, pulling Harry’s shirt over his head, then helped him step into his pants.

“But what if they’re still there?” Harry asked, his tears and breathing calm.

“Then we’ll avoid them.” Nick answered pulling on a hoodie.

“But what if Louis tries to make you leave?” Harry asked.

“Then we’ll lock your door until you’re ready for me to leave. I’m not leaving you alone when you’re like this.” Nick said and kissed his forehead.

“Thank you.” Harry said and they headed out the door.

***

“His car isn’t here, they must have left.” Harry stated, sadness laced through his voice.

“Well now we won’t have to worry about him yelling.” Nick chuckled, lightening Harry’s mood a bit. They got out and walked next to each other closely, Harry having his arms wrapped around one of Nick’s arms tightly. They walked into the flat in silence, Nick taking Harry straight to Harry’s bedroom, sitting him down on his bed.

“Wait here okay?” Nick  told him and Harry nodded obediently. Nick walked into Harry’s bathroom that was attached to his bedroom, getting into the medicine cabinet. He took out the scar cream and walked back into Harry’s room. “I need you to take your shirt and pants off.” Nick said and Harry nodded. Harry stood up and grabbed the hem of his shirt, lifting it halfway until he flinched in pain.

“It hurts.” Harry groaned. Nick sighed and walked over to Harry.

“Then I’m going to help you.” Nick said and carefully started to lift Harry’s shirt up. Harry winced, but didn’t say anything, letting Nick continue to undress him. When Nick got to the pants Harry’s bedroom door slammed open.

“Harry I’m so-” Louis froze mid-word as he looked at Nick’s hands. Harry’s unbuttoned, but not unzipped, pants. He wasn’t even looking at Harry’s scarred, cut torso, he was too focused on the scene in front of him.

“What the hell?” Louis said, his voice angry and betrayed.

“Louis-”

“What the hell Harry!?” he shouted, walking towards them and pushing Nick away from Harry. “Why the hell were you undressing him?” Louis growled in Nick’s face. Nick opened his mouth, but his eyes caught Harry’s pleading eyes, Harry didn’t want Louis to know. He didn’t want anyone, but Nick to know.

“That’s not my place to tell you, but I can assure you it was nothing sexual.” it would have been if the circumstances were different.

“Why the hell would I believe it would be anything innocent?” Louis asked, angrily pushing Nick.

“Because it was. Harry is too in love with you to do anything with any other guy and you don’t even care!” Nick yelled, pushing Louis back. Harry pulled a shirt on and watched in horror as the scene in front of him unfolded.

“I fucking love him so don’t tell me I don’t care!” Louis yelled, punching Nick in the jaw. Nick stumbled back and held his jaw, glaring at Louis with pure hatred.

“Nick! Are you okay?” Harry asked, from where he was kneeling on the bed. “Stop it!”

“You take him and his love for granted, you selfish prick!” Nick said and lunged at Louis, making them both fall to the ground.

“Louis! Nick! Stop it!” Harry yelled in fear. The two boys have fought with words, but never physically.

“I don’t take him for granted!” Louis shouts, rolling them over so he was on top. He punched Nick only for the older lad to flip them over.

“You’re dating a girl when you’re dating him! How can you say you love him and don’t take him for granted?” Nick asked, punching Louis over and over. “Why can’t you see you’re hurting him!” Nick yelled. Louis’ eyes burned with anger, not just because of what he saw, but also because he knew Nick was right. He knew what he was doing didn’t just hurt him, but Harry as well, maybe more. Louis flipped them again and punched Nick as hard as he could in the face stomach, anything he could hit. His hand hurt, but he was too angry to care.

"Stop i-"

“You have no idea about anything going on between us and you never will! This is the last time I will ever see you near Harry or I swear to god I will kill you!” Louis said and picked Nick up by his shirt. He pulled his arm back to punch him only to hit something with his elbow. He looked behind him to see Harry standing there holding his nose, blood coming out of it, his eyes holding fear and hurt. Louis shook it off and took Nick outside, throwing him on the curb.

“Get the hell out of here and don’t come back.” Louis demanded coldly and shut the door, walking back into Harry’s bedroom to tend to Harry. He walked in his room to see Harry sitting on the bed facing away from him. He walked around and saw he was holding a towel to his swollen and bleeding nose.

“Where’s Nick. What did you do to him?” Harry asked, not looking at Louis.

“I threw him out of the house and told him to never come back here.” Louis said nonchalantly. Louis walked over to the other side of the bed. He tried to remove the towel from Harry's grasp, but Harry flinched when he saw Louis raise his hand. Louis pulled his hand back in shock and watched Harry get up and head to the bathroom.

Harry came out a few minutes later, his nose was bruised and most likely broken, and crawled under his duvet facing away from Louis. He didn't say a word. Louis sighed mentally and climbed under the duvet, trying to pull Harry into his arms, but Harry moved away.  

“Harry, I’m sorry. Are you ok-”

“Get out.” Harry said. He was upset, hurt, angry, he felt betrayed and now... Alone.

“Harry, look I’m sor-”

“No you’re not. Just get out Louis, I don’t want to see you right now.” Harry hissed at him. Louis rolled his eyes and pulled Harry into his arms despite Harry’s struggling, wrapping his legs around Harry’s.

“It will be better now that he’s out of your life, you’ll see.” Louis said, kissing the back of Harry’s neck.

“Louis, what don’t you understand about get out?” Harry sneered.

“You don’t really want me to leave.” Louis told him as if his opinions were also Harry’s opinions.

“I really do. Go with Hannah. Go fuck her and let me sleep alone.” Harry said in an emotionless voice.

“I’m not leaving Harry. You don’t tell me what to do remember. I don’t want you to ever see him again, I don’t even want you to say his name.” Louis reminded him and kissed his curls, nuzzling his nose into Harry’s curls.

“Maybe Nick was right…” Harry thought as he fell asleep in Louis arms.

***

Present time

 

“All I did was say his name. You have no right to tell me what to do Louis.” Harry tells him slightly sobered up -not much-, looking down at his fiddling hands.

“Why do you always say I have no right to tell you what to do? I’m older than you and I’m your boyfriend. I own you, ungrateful little shit.” Louis sneers.

“You don’t own me.” Harry snickers. “You own Hannah you fucking idiot. You’re dating her not me.” Harry chuckles angrily. Who does Louis think he is to tell Harry things like this?

“Did you seriously just call me an idiot? And that we’re not dating?” Louis asks shocked, Harry has never called him names, not even jokingly.

“Yeah, well no. Actually I called you a fucking idiot. And we’re not dating. I’m probably nothing more than a sex toy to you.” Harry muses while chuckling. Harry grabs his sliced up wrist, tearing the cuts through the bandage, getting a high. Alcohol has an amazing effect on Harry. It makes him say what’s on his mind and do things when he would never say or do sober.

Louis was confused. Why would Harry tell him that?

“Why the hell do think you can talk to me like that you little cunt?” Louis asks, walking and towering over to the sitting boy. Harry rolls his eyes and stands up. “Or telling me that we aren’t dating?”

“Why the hell do you say ‘Why the hell’ all the fucking time its annoying as fuck.” Harry mocks him, pushing past him and heading towards the bathroom.

“Get back here.” Louis snarls, grabbing Harry’s sliced up wrist and tugs him back to the bed. It takes all Harry has not to yelp in pain.

“L-Louis.” Harry whimpers. Louis is fuming and Harry knows what happens when he’s this angry. Harry tries to scramble off the bed-fully sobered up from fear-, but Louis grabs his ankle, dragging him so he was in front of Louis on his back. Louis crawls on top of him and slaps him as hard as he could on his pale cheek.

Harry tries to get out of his grip, but Louis held him still and punches him. Over and over again, anywhere he could he, but not his face. He would never leave a bruise on Harry’s face, a red mark now and again, but never a bruise, he wasn’t that careless.

“You don’t ever talk back to me, you got that little bitch.” Louis isn’t asking though, he’s telling Harry. Harry just makes a sound which sounds like a whimper and a groan mixed together, not being able to do much else. Louis holds his fist in the air, giving Harry time to catch the breath that was knocked out of him.

“Shall I take that as a yes?” Louis asks and Harry nods, whimpering in pain.

“Y-Ye-s.” Harry forces out in a small voice, the only thing he could manage to do.

“Good boy.” Louis says, kissing his red cheek. Harry flinches away from his touch and crawls away from him as Louis got off of him. He waits for Louis to get in his own bed, but the crawled under the covers in Harry’s bed. Harry tries to get as far away from Louis as possible, but the older boy had other plans. He brings Harry in his embrace, putting his head on top of the younger boys curls making the younger boy’s head lay on his chest.

“I don’t like hurting you Harry.” Louis says, his voice small.

“Then why? Why do you do it?” Harry asks, but he wasn’t talking about the hitting. He’s used to physical pain, but the emotional pain is what he can’t deal with.

“I want to hang out with you tomorrow, the interview was cancelled.” Louis tells him, holding Harry tighter in his arms. He completely ignored Harry's question.

“I-I was going to s-see someone t-tomorrow.” Harry whispers. Louis rolls his eyes and squeezes Harry tightly. “B-but I can rain check it.” Harry says quickly. Louis smiles and released his tight grip, making it more comfortable for Harry.

“Good choice.” Louis says, cuddling into Harry, falling asleep in a matter of seconds. Harry turns around to face Louis.

“At least I’ll get to spend time with you before you go back to ignoring and isolating me.” Harry says, stroking his cheek lightly before pulling away and studying the elder of the two’s face. The boy in front of Harry looks like he did when Harry first met him. Relaxed, carefree, happy, sweet, caring. He looks like the boy he fell in love with, but then again that boy has been gone for a while now. Harry still loves this Louis though, no matter what terrible things Harry has to go through he will never stop loving Louis, even if he wanted to.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I would just like to say holy shit I love all of the good responses I've gotten from this story, it means so much! 
> 
> But I'm kind of worried that I'm making somethings too emotional at times, I've gotten comments and messages saying that people have cried already and I don't know if I don't realize the power of my writing (which in all honesty I don't really think I write that well to begin with, so I'm not trying to sound cocky or anything) or if my heart is stone cold. Or maybe us Larry shippers are just reeally emotional when it comes to our boys, who the hell knows.
> 
> But tell me if I'm making things to intense because if people cry now, you'll all die from sadness by the end of the series.
> 
> Sorry for the long note, bye guys. xx

“Wake up Haz.” someone whispers in Harry’s ear. He groans and pulls the cover over his eyes to shield them from the sun.

“Wh’time is it?” he slurs, his voice groggy and tired.

“9:30 love.” the voice whispers in his ear again. Harry groans and closes his eyes muffling a small ‘leave me alone’ to the person who woke him up way too early for his day off.

“Too early, sleep time.” he says and cuddles into the person’s chest.

“Haz, we have to start the day off early. I have the whole day planned.”

“But I’m supposed to spend the day with Louis.” Harry says.

“Are you really that tired?” the person asks. Harry nods cutely. “It’s me, love. It’s Louis.” Harry’s eyes widen and immediately let go of Louis making the older boy frown.

“I-I’m sorry-”

“Why are you apologizing?” Louis wonders out loud confused. Harry looks down not making eye contact with him.

“I wasn’t letting you get up.” Harry says shamefully.

“Darling its fine. I love it when you hold me tight. You don’t do it anymore.” Louis speaks while looking down like a little kid.

Harry doesn't know how to feel or what to say do he simply says:

"Its not my job anymore, its Hannah's." Harry gets up and goes into the kitchen before Louis could answer. He grabs a banana and opens it from the bottom. Most people think you open it from the top, but that’s the wrong way. It’s a fact.

He fills up the shitty kettle the hotel has with water for Louis and starts to make himself coffee. He’s always prefered coffee over tea; the only exception being when he’s sick. Coffee just makes Harry feel more awake.

“Louis!” Harry calls.

“Yes, honey?” Louis asks, walking into the kitchen. He walks up behind Harry and wraps his arms around Harry’s waist. Harry jumps, not expecting Louis to go into the kitchen. He relaxes though, Louis was being cuddly and Harry wasn’t going to pass it up.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Harry asks, grabbing the kettle as is whistles.

“You in bed, cuddling me while we watch one of those romance movies you love more than me.” Louis says with a smile.

“I don’t love anything more than I love you.” Harry says, turning his forehead to kiss Louis. It was a slow kiss, a slow peck, but it is all Harry needs.

“You’re such a sap.” Louis says, turning Harry around after he was done making his tea. “A cute, adorably sexy sap. I love you.” Louis says, kissing Harry’s forehead.

“I love you too.” Harry replies, leaning up to kiss Louis’ nose. The boys were about the same height, Harry was only about 2 inches shorter.

“So you said you have the whole day planned.” Harry comments.  

“Yes, we are going to stay in bed all day and watch movies and cuddle and kiss and have sex, only if you want to of course, and let me hold you all day long. How does that sound?” Harry smiles and hugs Louis tightly, putting his face in Louis’ neck.

“Perfect. Do you know what the boys are doing?” Harry asks curiously.

“I think they are going out for a day on the town. Do you want to go with them instead?” Louis asks, swaying them from side to side. Harry shakes his head.

“No, I want to stay in with you. I was just curious.” Harry explains, kissing Louis neck lightly.

“Let’s take your coffee and my tea and go back to bed, we can watch Forrest Gump if you want.” Harry nods with a smile.

“Yeah.” Louis smiles fondly at Harry, picking him up, letting Harry wrap his feet around his waist, and carries him to the bed, tucking him in before putting the movie in (Harry brings a whole suitcase of his favorite movies). Louis scoots Harry up for Louis to slide behind him, bring the boy to chest and holding his waist.

“I’m glad we have this day off.” Louis mumbles, kissing Harry’s curls.

“Me too.”

***

Harry wakes up to his alarm ringing in his ear. He opens his eyes and reaches over to the nightstand, shutting it off. He looks over and sees Louis still sound asleep.

He sighs, hoping that Louis would act like the loving boyfriend he first was -how he was yesterday- today. How he was yesterday. He throws the covers off of his body, removing Louis’ arms from his waist carefully, swinging his legs over the side of the bed, shivering once the cold air hits his naked body. His mind goes back to last night, a smile making its way across his lips.

Before the boys had gone to bed, the made love and for the first time since Hannah and One Directions came around, it actually felt like love. He didn’t feel like Louis was just using him for sex, for his own personal pleasure. It was slow and gentle, filled with passionate kisses and whispers of loving words. For the first time in almost 2 years, Harry felt like Louis loves him.

He smiles at Louis’ sleeping figure before getting up, pulling on a pair of boxer and sweat pants, and going to make breakfast. He puts the kettle on for Louis and starts making his coffee. He decides to wait to see what Louis wants for breakfast before he makes it. Just as the kettle whistles, there was a knock on the door. Harry rushes to the door, making sure to take the kettle off the hot stove, and opens the door to see Liam and Niall.

“Hey boys.” Harry whispers. “Louis’ asleep so try to be quiet.” Harry warns them as they nod their head.

“So our photo shoots and another interview was canceled so we have another day off.” Liam says as they follow Harry to the kitchen.

“Would you guys like some tea?” Harry ask, looking up at his two closest friends. The both nod before Harry continues. “And why were they canceled?” Liam groans while Niall chuckles.

“Zayn is “sick”. Also known as, he got so drunk at the club we went to last night he has a hangover and refuses to get up.” Harry chuckles as he takes four mugs out of the cabinet with one hand, one advantage to having huge hands.

“You didn’t stop him from getting drunk? You’re a terrible chaperon LiLi.” Harry teases, smiling at the two who were hugging. Liam’s arms wrapped around Niall’s waist from behind. That’s how he and Louis used to be.

Harry turns around to the kettle and starts to fix the boys’ tea -of course he knows how everyone likes their tea just so he can make it perfect for them-. Harry sets  the kettle down and reaches for the sugar. Harry lets out a squeak of surprise when he feels arms around his waist and is on the counter in one swift motion.

“Good morning love.” Louis says, kissing Harry’s lips sweetly before pulling back, smiling fondly at him. Harry smiles back at him, catching and ignoring Liam and Niall’s disapproving looks.

Liam and Niall support their relationship to an extent. They support that they want to be together, but not how they act towards each other. They’re sort of on the same boat as Zayn, but a bit more supportive than him.

“Morning Boo.” Harry says lovingly, bopping his nose on Louis’ who scrunches his up like a bunny.

“How are you feeling?” Louis asks with a smirk, Harry’s cheeks brighten at the question and the fact that he asked in front of two of their best mates.

“Fine.” Harry mumbled, ducking his head in embarrassment. A cough from behind Louis tore the two boys away from their conversation.

“So anyway. Harry, we were thinking about going to see a movie, do you want to come?” Liam asks, not accidentally leaving Louis out. Harry looks at Louis, his eyes asking for permission. Louis looks at Harry’s begging eyes and sighs. He doesn’t like letting Harry out of his sight, obviously he has to for things, but any other time he wants to be where Harry is to make sure no one will steal Harry away from him.

Louis sighs and nods, knowing that Liam and Niall are straight and would keep Harry from flirting with people -which isn’t his fault, he has to for management, to keep his image up-. Harry’s eyes light up in happiness and kisses Louis quickly before hopping off the counter.

“Yeah, what are we going to go see?” Harry asks, going into his room to get changed.

The boys discuss a movie to see while Louis makes his tea. He never did find out why Harry needs comfort. What was wrong with him? Maybe he’ll just have to pay a visit to Zayn and find out.

“Bye Lou. I love you.” Harry says, kissing Louis’ cheek before the boys leave.

***

“So Harry…” Liam starts out as they walk down the street to meet up with Ed at a cafe, their hoods up and sunglasses on.

“I see Louis gave you some new bruises.” Liam finishes bluntly, waiting for the denial Harry usually gives him.

“He apologized. He doesn’t mean it when it happens Liam. I know he doesn’t. He just doesn’t know how to express his feelings with words.” Harry says quietly, looking ahead of him instead of at their worried eyes.

“Why don’t you leave him Harry? He’s hurting you, that isn’t love!” Niall exclaims, stepping in front of Harry.

“Do you really think he would let me?” Harry asks. “Besides I love him, he loves me too or he wouldn’t do the things he does-”

“If he loves you then he wouldn’t do the things he does. Dating Hannah? Hitting you? What next is he going to force you to have sex with him when you don’t want too?!” Liam asks, pulling them into a empty cafe they were to meet Ed in. Harry doesn’t answer, looking anywhere, but Liam’s now uncovered eyes that widened.

“He’s made you have sex with him when you didn’t want to.” Harry shakes his head.

“Of course he hasn’t!” Lies. “He wouldn’t do that.” Harry snaps, trying -hoping- to convince them.

“Okay, okay sorry.” Liam puts his hands up in defense.

“It’s fine I guess. Just don’t talk about him like that.” Harry mutters

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Niall whispers. Harry looks away from the two’s still worried eyes. Not like they shouldn’t be -because they really should- Harry just doesn’t want false concern. He doesn’t want anyone to be concerned about him. He believes that he’s fine. That the sadness and pain is something everyone feels.

But he’s not fine, -nowhere close- but he doesn’t need anyone to help him. He doesn’t want anyone to help him. So he always replies:

“I’m fine.” and it’s always the end of that conversation.

***

Louis walks up to Zayn’s door, pounding on it with his clenched fist. He doesn’t care that the boy has a massive hangover. They need to talk.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Zayn spits out as he opens the door, flinching from the light in the hallway. Zayn’s hair is up in all different directions, yet it still manages to look good. His tan, toned chest is on full display along with the tattoos on his arm.

Louis has to admit that Zayn is good looking, just his attitude is fucking terrible. Always trying to get in the middle of him and Harry.

That’s another thing about Zayn, he’s exactly Harry’s type. Harry had three types, Louis, Nick, and Zayn.

Harry likes taller guys, which they all are, but then again at the rate he’s growing he may grow taller than all three.

Nick, protective, kind, treats Harry like he’s the only thing that matters in the fucked up world. His family loves Nick, he knows so much about Harry. Straight A student, captain of the football team, volunteer. He’s the boy that parents want their daughters -or in this case, son- to date.

His tall, strong body gives off a ‘if you hurt him, I’ll kill you vibe’. His face though gives off a trusting, comforting vibe.

The perfect boyfriend.

Zayn, the quiet, bad boy type. The one who does what he wants when he wants and doesn’t care who likes it and who doesn’t. He’s also protective of Harry and since Louis kicked Nick out of Harry’s life, he’s taken over Nick’s job of trying to show Harry how bad Louis is for him. Zayn comforts and listens, giving the best advice he can, which is usually the best advice.

His muscles and strong arms make everyone feel safe when they’re in them -usually its Harry though-. His sharp jaw and predominant cheek bones, his honey colored eyes and flirty smile can make anyone swoon -except Louis because he remembers how much he hates him.

He’s the boy who’s misjudged because of his appearance, but once you get to know him you can’t help, but love him.

Louis, the loud, carefree boy that can charm the skin off of a snake. His bubbly attitude and smile makes you fall in love with him from the first conversation. He’s protective of his friends and family, but he’s extremely  _possessive_ of Harry. He’s never been like this with anyone, but his curly haired boyfriend. Not even with Hannah.

The thing that no one knows other than Louis and Hannah is that they dated for a year and broke up 6 months before Louis met Harry. It was Hannah’s idea to date again, not Louis’, he just went along with it to see if the feelings were still there. They aren’t.

Back to the point though, he was never like this with Hannah. He didn’t care if she was with other guys, well he _cared_ , but he didn’t try and take her away from anyone who looked at her. He just grinned and bared it then told her that it made him uncomfortable and the situation would be fine.

At first though -and after a few drinks and adding more art to his body nowadays- Harry didn’t give in especially when it came to his friends.

If a guy or girl flirted with him -and bless his soul he’s so freaking oblivious to it he didn’t know it was flirting- he would just flirt back and when Louis would say something he would apologize and stop talking to that person.

If it was one of his friends though, it was a different story entirely. Harry would ignore his commands of not seeing said friend again and would continue to hang out with them regardless.

It pissed Louis off. That was the point he started to distance Harry from his friends, the jealousy was just too much for him to handle and not take action.

“I’m here to find out what you were talking about two nights ago.” Louis says calmly. That is going to be the only way for him to get answers out of Zayn. Not be a dick.

“Why does it matter? You’ll continue to do the same things no matter what.” Zayn grumbles, but opens the door farther. “But fine, just get in here before I change my mind.” Zayn spits out, walking farther into the hotel room, leaving the door open for Louis to walk through..

***

Harry sits with his knees to his chest on the hotel bed and sighs as he looks at the pictures of Hannah and Louis together . Why can’t he be beautiful like her? Why can’t he been skinny like her? Why can’t Louis love him like he loves her?

Then Harry realizes that maybe he  _can_  be beautiful like Hannah, maybe Louis  _can_ love Harry like he loves Hannah. Maybe he can become as skinny as Hannah.

Harry puts his phone down and goes into the bathroom, facing the huge mirror. Harry lifts up his shirt and pokes the small, very small, amount of baby fat he still has, pulling at his -almost non-existent- love handles before shoving his shirt down in disgust.

Then he looks at his face. God, Harry looks like he’s fifteen. He pulls at his cheeks and sighs in distaste. Stupid baby fat that he can’t get rid of.

He looks over at the cabinet where his friends are stored. He wants to cut, he really does, but he doesn’t know when Louis will be coming back to see if Harry packed Louis’ things. He should probably start.

He pulls out the suitcases from under the bed and sets it on top of it. He walks over to the closet and pulls out the clothes that they never wore. He throws them beside the suitcase before taking them off the hangers and folding them, humming Skyscraper by Demi Lovato.

He likes to think that he could be as strong as her if Louis leaves him for good. He only scoffs at that though, if Louis left him completely his skyscraper would fall, burn to the ground with him in it with no one other than Louis to save him.

He’s brought out of his thoughts by his phone ringing. He jogs into the kitchen and pulls it out of its charger.

_Liam_

Harry answers, hiding the sigh that he wants to let escape. He really doesn’t want to talk to the lad after what he accused Louis of. It may have been a true accusation, but he still shouldn’t think about Louis like that.

“Hey Liam.” Harry answers, putting the phone on speaker, continuing to fold clothes.

“Hey Haz. I was just calling to see if you wanted to come to dinner with me, Ed, and Niall. I know you said you were tried after the movie, but we just really want to see you.” Harry rolls his eyes.

“You see me everyday. You and Niall.” Harry replies shortly.

“What? I can’t hear you? Am I on speaker?” Liam asks. Harry takes the phone off speaker and holds it to his ear with his head and shoulder.

“I said you and Ni see me everyday.” Harry repeats.

“Ed doesn’t and that’s only at work, you always go straight to yours and Louis’ hotel room.” Harry sighs because he knows Liam’s right, but that doesn’t mean he wants to admit it.

“I’ll g-” Harry stops himself from caving when he remembers Hannah. He can’t go if he wants to be like Hannah.

“I’m not really that hungry, I’ll have to rain check.” Harry rushes out, hanging up before Liam can hear the grumble of Harry’s stomach.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sorry I haven't updated, but I have a good reason. About a month ago I tried to kill myself and I know you probably don't care about that and I'm not looking for sympathy, but the point is I was gone for more than 2 weeks with no internet. I got back two Thursdays ago and had to adjust to normal life which is overwhelming. I've been so busy doing my homework and school work I've missed I haven't gotten around to writing for over a month and I'm extremely sorry about that.
> 
> After I catch up on my work I promise I will try to update each story every two weeks, sometimes it may be earlier or later, but I'll try to keep the schedule.

It’s been almost a week and Harry’s only lost five pounds. He’s so disappointed. At this rate it will take him years to be as skinny as Hannah.

Speaking of Hannah, today is the day that Hannah and Harry are going to have their little ‘talk’. Harry’s scared shitless. because honestly why would she need to talk to him? What if she found out about him and Louis? What if she doesn’t want him to see Louis anymore? What if she tells him to leave the band because he isn’t good enough? What if she tells him that Louis’ only been using him?

He knows that isn’t what she wants to talk about -she’s too much of a freaking sweetheart to say anything like that- but still, as he sits at a table in the back of Starbucks, just waiting for Hannah to say something, anything, he can’t help but freak out.

“So.” Hannah starts, taking a sip of her coffee and looking at Harry. “I’m going to get straight to the point.” she pauses, setting her coffee down and taking Harry’s hand in her’s. Harry looks around nervously, like he's afraid someone's watching them, and Hannah sighs.

“You know what?” she says standing up abruptly. “We’re going to my hotel room.” Hannah says, pulling Harry up and keeping their hands together. Its really not that weird for him, Hannah is his best friend, that’s a girl of course. He just doesn’t want it to get to the media.

“Louis isn’t going to like this.” he says, taking her hand from his and wrapping their arms together instead, a more friendly gesture to others who will see them. They are actually really close, have been since she found out he’s gay. After hanging out a few times he’s grown used to her and loves her as a sister.

“So why did you make me meet you at Starbucks if we aren’t even going to be talking until we get to your hotel room?” Harry asks and she just grins.

“Because I know you’re a sweetheart and you would buy me coffee.” she raises her cup and looks at it in fake shock. “And look at that, you did. Such a sweetheart aren’t you?” she teases, making him laugh, genuinely laugh. "Besides I could tell you were nervous about people noticing you."

“Good point.” she chuckles. They walk out of Starbucks, Hannah with her coffee in one hand while Harry has his water in one hand, arms looped together. “Besides, I can’t say no to a pretty face.” he winks. Hannah hits his arm playfully. "And yeah I was." he lies.

“A sweetheart and a charmer. What else do you do? Cook?” she asks tauntingly. She actually doesn’t know that he does in fact cook and he’s exceptionally good at it.

“Of course, I’ll have to cook for you before you leave.” she rolls her eyes.

“Cheeky bastard.” she mutters, tilting her head at the greeter as Harry shakes his hand.

“Who says I was being cheeky?” he asks as they get in the lift.

“Because you had that damn smirk on your face.” she smirks.

“Yeah, you should be talking.” he sasses. Hannah groans.

“You’ve been hanging out too much with Louis.” Harry becomes quiet, only nodding.

“Are you okay?” she asks as she opens the door with the swipe key.

“Yeah.” he answers simply.

She hangs up their coats and pulls him to the couch.

“No, that’s not what I’m talking about.” she says firmly, grabbing Harry’s wrist gently, but tight enough he couldn’t get it away from her. Harry’s heart starts beating fast as she pulls up his sleeve on his no bracelet covered, scarred, new and old, wrist. “Are you okay?” she asks, her voice failing as she looks at the red lines. He doesn’t answer, she takes it as ‘no’.

“Tell me why you would do this to yourself.” she demands, her voice quiet and shaky. Harry can tell she’s holding back tears.

“When did you find out?” Harry asks, not looking her in the eyes as she traces his old scars he hasn’t gotten rid of and ones he created last night. Harry hisses in pain as she touches the deepest one he made.

“Sorry.” she mumbles, looking into his eyes. “I found out last week at the club, I saw the bloody bandage and knew it wasn’t an accident with how much was there. You would have gone to get someone to look at it instead of going to a club.” she tells him, grabbing his hand.

“Now tell me why.” she demands again, louder. Harry doesn’t want to tell her. He really, really doesn’t. He just feels like he owes her for some reason. He does it because he knows that Louis is cheating on her, because it hurts to see them together, but he still wants them both to be happy, because he deserves the pain. Because he loves the pain.

“Because it feels good.” Harry tells her, looking away before she gasps. He only ignores her and continues.

“It feels refreshing, the stinging feeling makes me feel free and happy. The cuts are art to me, the red lines. They’re just so beautiful. Watching as blood drips down from the clean cut, staining my skin red. It feels so amazing.” Harry smiles as he traces his cuts. “Then cleaning it gives more of a sting making everything better. It’s like a drug, I don’t want to quit, I couldn’t even if I wanted too.” he smiles at her teary face.

“That isn’t the only reason why.” she says and he freezes, staying silent.

“It’s because of Louis and I’s relationship isn’t it?” she asks. He hides his shaking hands under his legs.

“What are you talking about?” he interrogates.

“Yours and Lou’s relationship.” he looks over at her in horror, wondering how she knew, when she found out, why she doesn’t hate him.

“H-How?” she chuckles.

“Well the fact that when Louis and I had sex, which hasn’t been in months, no worries, he says your name without realizing it.” she says, chuckling sadly. “The way you two look at each other with pure adoration, like the other is the only other person in the world, like you would do anything for the other. It’s a dead give away. The Larry Shippers aren’t stupid like everyone thinks.” Harry lets a out a sad breath.

“Louis doesn’t look at me like that anymore.” Hannah scoffs.

“He looks at you like you’re his god and would do absolutely anything for you.” Harry doesn’t believe her at all, she’s just trying to make him feel better.

“Why would he be with you if he looks at me like that? If he feels like that.” Harry counters.

“He’s not comfortable with being gay.” she shrugs. Harry flops on the back of the couch with a sigh.

“Have you talked to Nick in a while?” she asks cautiously -changing the subject not so subtly-, rubbing his hand comfortingly. Harry sighs and shakes his head in disappointment.

“Louis’ been on my ass so much lately about who I talk too. He’s says that I can’t be too careful, that people will do terrible things to me if I let my guard down.” Hannah just gives him a look.

“Or it could be the fact that he doesn’t want you to talk to other guys and girls because he doesn’t want you leaving him.” Harry looks at her appalled.

“I would never leave him. I love him too much to leave him. If he told me to leave then I would, but until then I will stay by his side.” he says confidently. She smiles.

“I know you will.” she says softly. “But back to Nick…” she says with a smile. He looks at her like she’s insane. Sometimes he’s pretty sure she is.

“How would you feel about seeing him again?” Hannah asks and Harry about stops breathing. “Are you okay?” she asks, waving a hand in front of his face. He nods and looks at her worried, and excited.

“When, where, how, and how are we going to slip this past Louis?” she smiles at his eagerness about seeing his best friend again.

“Well, I’m having an art show in a month. Zayn is having a few pieces thrown in there as well. I talked to Modest! about it and they said that you guys will be attending. And I may have invited a certain gay man who goes by the name of Nick Grimshaw.” she says dragging out Nick’s full name. Harry's eyes light up and he launches himself at Hannah, hugging her for dear life.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” he repeats, tears building in his eyes. She chuckles and hugs him back just as tight.

“Nothing to thank me for. You need Nick in your life whether Louis likes it or not.” Harry nods, but it isn’t like he has that much of a choice.

“Thank you so much.” he whispers in her shoulder.

“No problem.” she says, rubbing his back. He pulls back quickly when his phone starts ringing loudly. Hannah chuckles as she sees his embarrassed face because he has no reason to be.

“Hello?” Harry answers.

“Hey, fancy a date tonight Hazza?” a british accent fills Harry’s ears and he smiles.

“Sure, what time?” Harry agrees, not wanting to turn this down.

“Right now, we’re both leaving tomorrow so I want to spend the whole day with you.” Harry looks over at Hannah who groans, knowing he’s going to be ditching her.

“Yeah, where are we meeting at?” Harry asks.

“The park down the street from the hotel?” Harry chuckles.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Bye.”

“Bye love.” Harry looks over at Hannah, who is giving him a death glare, after he hangs up, giving her a sorry smile.

“So you’re leaving me?” she asks, her arms crossed and her face in a pout. He ruffles her hair earning a slap on his knee. Thankfully she didn’t see him flinch when she raised her hand.

“I’m sorry, I have a date tonight.” he says, getting up and grabbing his coat. She follows him.

“Fine, but since you’re leaving me right before I suggested we watch a movie” she says pointedly earning a sheepish look from Harry. “You have to promise me that you will call me every week and talk to me about this.” she says, tapping his wrists gently. Harry nods. “And we are going to video chat in private and you will show me your wrists, you need to stop hurting yourself Harry.” Harry nods at her, but there is no way he’ll ever stop. As he said earlier, he doesn’t want to and he couldn’t quit even if he did.

“Okay, now go to that hot date of yours.” she teases, hitting his bum to push him out the door.

“Bye, see you soon?” she nods.

“Of course, can’t go too long without seeing ya Har.” she chuckles, shutting the door with a wink.

Harry shakes his head and heads towards the lift with a genuine smile.

***

“Hey babe.” Harry hears whispered in his ear. He turns around to see blue eyes staring at him. Harry smiles and brings the lad into a hug.

"Hey Ed, how are you doing in this fine day?" Harry asks, sitting back down onto the seesaw. Ed chuckles and get on the other side.

"Good, good. Had a talk with Louis today. Didn't like the fact that I wanted to hang out with you. Said he was going to call you at 4 to get you to go to the hotel." Ed says, pushing his legs so he went up. Harry sighs.

“He doesn’t like it when I hang out with anyone Ed, you know that.” Harry says, looking as he pushes up.

“I know and it’s really annoying. Why does he get so jealous? It’s obvious to everyone he’s the only one you want.” Ed says, not bothering to hide his annoyance.

“He’s insecure about it I guess.” Harry shrugs, looking up at the sky. “I should be the insecure one, not him.” Harry says.

But I am insecure about our relationship. Harry thinks. I have to compete with Hannah, of course I should be insecure.

“Harry.” Harry snaps his gaze down from a bird looking cloud back to Ed.

“Hm?” Harry hums in confusion.

“You were staring off into space. You do that a lot.” Ed tells him. “You don’t move, you don’t blink, you don’t even look like you breath. It’s kind of scary.” Harry only shrugs.

“Eh, I can’t be the only one in the world who does it, can I?” Harry inquires with a raised eyebrow. Ed chuckles.

“I guess not.” Harry looks up at the clear blue sky, watching as birds fly and play around, and sighs longingly.

“I wish I was a bird,” he says, stopping their movements. “I wish I could fly away form all the stress,” Harry closes his eyes, “Never having to do as your told. Going with the flow, not having feelings to get in the way of survival or other important things.” he can only dream.

“Being who you are and doing what you want without being told it’s wrong. Telling you everything has to be done a certain way.” he can't even think of a life where people aren’t telling him who  to be and what to do, telling him that he’s alway wrong.

“I wish I could fly away.” Harry finishes. He opens his eyes to see Ed staring at him with a strange look.

“What?” Harry asks. Ed shakes his head.

“Nothing.” then Harry’s phone rings. Harry gives Ed an apologetic look, getting waved off, and answering his phone.

“Hel-”

“You better get your ass to the hotel in the next ten minutes or there will be hell to pay Harry Styles. You are in so much trouble.” Louis growls loudly through the phone, scaring Harry. Angry Louis is never a good Louis.

Angry Louis means Harry fucked up.

Harry fucking up ends up in a beaten and bruised Harry.

Beaten and bruised Harry equals a sore bum later.

Angry Louis is a bad, terrifying Louis.

Harry’s hands start to shake a tiny bit, enough for Ed to notice.

“You’re okay right?” Harry nods even if he’s really not. No one has to know.

“I’m fine.” Lies.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I just posted a new One Direction one-shot book! If you would send me prompts for it I would greatly appreciate it, you can find it under my works! Hope you enjoy this chapter!xx

Harry wants to cut already and he hasn't even made it through the door yet. He knows he's going to get a beating, for what he isn't sure, but he knows he's getting one. A bad one.

His hands shake as he tries to swipe the key in the lock. It takes him 4 tries before he succeeds.

He lets his hand rest on the doorknob though.

“I don't have to go in, I can go stay with one of the other boys. Surely they won't mind.” Harry mumbles to himself, taking his hand off the doorknob.

Why would they want a piece of shit like you staying with them? You're lucky Louis even puts up with you. Be honest Harry, you deserve the beating you're about to get.

Harry places his hand back on the handle.

What was that? Harry’s never thought these things before. He’s never thought he deserves the beatings, he only put up with them because its… Louis.

“They would let me stay with them.” Harry thinks, his subconscious thoughts only slip from that to conscious thoughts, into his mind.

Why would they? They don't even like you.

You're worthless.

Easily replaceable.

No one would care if you're gone.

Fat.

Ugly.

Harry's eyes water at the thoughts entering his mind.

“Stop crying, you don't deserve to cry.” Harry mumbles to himself, pushing the tears away. He doesn't deserve to have tears when other people's lives are so much worse than his.

He's worthless, the worthless don't deserve to cry. They don't deserve to feel. They deserve to be punished.

He's the only one who is worthless. Only he deserves every bad thing happening to him.

So he opens the door. His eyes dry. His cuts itching to be torn apart and ripped, peeling away healthy skin as well as the harmed skin.

“You're late.” Harry keeps his head down. He doesn't deserve to look at Louis' beautiful face.

“I know.” Harry whispers. Louis walks towards him, Harry shakes. He deserves to feel fear.

“Look at me.” Harry doesn't.

You can't even listen right. Disgrace.

“I said, look at me.” Harry lifts his head up, looking slightly behind Louis.

“Why were you with Hannah?” Louis spits out shoving his phone in Harry’s face. It was a picture of Hannah holding Harry's hand over the table. There was a caption:

Friends or more? Maybe Louis Tomlinson’s gf only had eyes for his curly haired best friend from the beginning of X-Factor. They do seem certainly close, maybe they’re too good of friends.

Harry honestly couldn’t believe people would think Hannah was so low. She would never do that, she doesn’t have a mean bone in her body.

“She said that she wanted to talk to me.” Harry mumbles, his eyes moving down, but his head stays up.

“About what?” Louis asks, pushing on Harry's chest to make him walk backwards.

“An art showing she's having in a month. She was inviting me.” Harry speaks, his stomach starts to growl silently. He hasn't eaten in a while. He doesn't plan to either.

“Nothing happened between you two when you went to her hotel then?” Louis growls, pushing him against the wall. He holds Harry tightly, Louis’ teeth biting at his neck.

“I'm gay. I don't like girls. Especially n-not Hannah.” Harry tries to focus on something other than Louis' harsh teeth. He deserves the pain, not the pleasure.

“B-Besides, s-she l-love you. N-Not me.” Harry says.

Because no one could love something like you.

Harry cringes. He knows. Louis pulls off of Harry and sighs, wrapping his arms around Harry’s waist.

“I can’t lose you Harry.” Louis speaks softly. Harry gasps.

“You won’t lose me. I’m yours until you want me gone.” Harry tells him.

That shouldn’t take long.

Harry closes his eyes, trying his hardest to ignore the thoughts. He knows its true though, everything his mind thinks is true.

“I love you Harry.”

He’s lying. He doesn’t give two shits about you.

“I love you too.” Harry tells Louis, his voice wavering a bit. Harry’s stomach starts to growl again. Louis feels it against his torso.

“Hungry?” Louis asks with a smile. Harry wants to lie, say he isn’t, but he is. So, so hungry. He can’t lie to Louis anyway.

You don’t deserve food. You’re fat enough.

“Yeah.” Harry says, wanting to lock himself in the bathroom and cry. What’s going on with him? Why did these thoughts come on so strong, so fast.

“Well, how about we make something together?” Louis asks. Harry nods, wanting to make a cheeky comment, but he doesn’t want to make Louis angry.

“What would you like?” Harry asks, walking over to the fridge. He feels a present behind him and arms wrap around his waist.

“Cuddling you in bed while we have hot chocolate and popcorn, watching a movie.” Louis says. Harry hums in agreement. The less food the better.

“Can you put the kettle on?” Harry asks, moving to get the popcorn.

“Course love.” Louis says, grabbing the kettle and filling it up, putting it on the stove. He’ll just let Louis eat the popcorn.

***

Harry peaks out from behind the wall, looking at all of their fans gathering in the stadium.

He shouldn’t even be here, he can’t sing. He’s only going to mess up the concert for the others. Maybe he can back out, say he’s sick or he’s hurt.

And let your negative 2 fans down? You are a horrible piece of shit.

Harry knows this, no one is here for him. They are all here for the boys, not him.

“Harry, we’re going on now.” Harry looks up at a concerned Liam. Harry smiles, nodding at Liam.

“Let’s not keep them waiting.” Harry replies, Liam goes out. “Let’s not keep them waiting for you.”

***

Harry rushes off the stage after the concert. He fucked the whole concert up. Why can’t he do one thing right? He rushes into the car, ignoring everyone. He can feel the tears come on. He doesn’t want to cry, he just can’t help it.

Cry baby, such a wimp. Can’t even deal with the fact that you’re a failure like a normal person. Then again, you aren’t normal, you’re crazy.

“Shut up.” Harry says, tugging at his hair.

“Harry?” Harry looks up to see the boys in the car, all looking at him worriedly. Well all except Louis who is on the phone.

“Y-Yeah?” Harry asks.

“Are you okay?” Harry repeats the same lie he’s perfected over the years.

“I’m fine.” Liam gives him a pointed look.

“Harry, what’s going on with you?” Liam asks, they start moving. Harry stares at him calmly, not matching his internal freak out.

“Nothing ‘s going on with me.” Zayn sits in between Louis and Harry.

“Is it about the little slip up tonight? We all do it Harry. You’ve done it the least out all of us. You’ve only forgotten words once, we’ve all done it 3 or 4 times. Don’t beat yourself up about it Haz.” Zayns pulls him into a hug, holding him protectively.

“Besides, you covered it up like just changing the lyrics, the fans loved it, don’t be so upset.” Niall tells him, resting a hand on Harry’s knee, giving it a squeeze.

They’re lying, it isn’t okay for you to mess up, you do it enough as it is.

“I know, I’m not upset. I’m a little bit tired, that’s all.” they all see through his lie, but decide not to push it.

“Well, I’m hungry, who wants to go to Nando’s?” Niall asks. Liam rolls his eyes.

“You’re always hungry and you always pick Nando’s.” Liam looks at Harry. “Why don’t you pick H?” Liam asks with a smile. Harry’s stomach drops, he can’t eat.

“I’m not really that hungry, you guys go on without me.” Harry says, his foot tapping anxiously for them to get to the hotel.

“You haven’t eaten anything all day.” Niall says, all the boys look at him, even Louis hangs up his phone.

“I ate before you guys got up, then again when you guys were at lunch. Seriously, I’m not hungry, I just want to go to bed. Go without me.” Harry says, sending them a fake smile.

“Harry, why don’t you at least hang out with us?” Liam asks. Harry sees Louis glaring daggers into the back of Zayn’s head.

“Guys, he’s had a hard night, let him go to the hotel and sleep. He needs it.” Louis says, giving Harry a comforting smile. That was unusual. Normally he would tell them to leave him be for no reason, but this time he seems concerned.

He’s concerned that his toy won’t be in good shape for him to fuck tonight. Be honest with yourself.

Harry really hates that stupid voice in his head.

“Since when do you give a fuck if he’s okay or not?” Zayn snaps. Louis’ eyes grow angry. Harry knows he’ll have to deal with it tonight.

“Fuck off before I rip your hair out of your head.” Louis threatens. Harry reaches around Zayn, grabbing Louis’ hand. Louis snaps his head over to look at Harry, Harry smiles as he visibly sees Louis calming down.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” the boys all looks at him in shock. Harry just smiles wider. He doesn’t know what’s gotten into Louis lately, but he loves it.

Harry decides to get on twitter for the rest of the ride. Horrible idea. Comment after comment, telling him how bad he messed up at the concert. Telling him he should leave the band, he should kill himself.

They’re right.

He knows, but he isn’t going to give them the satisfaction. At least not yet. He hides his tears until he’s out of the car. He sends the boys a wave as he heads inside.

Why do you have to fuck everything up, piece of shit.

Harry feels the tears returning when he's alone in the elevator.

And here are the water works. You're such a fucking baby, why don't you just do us all a favor and kill yourself.

“You would die too.” Harry says weakly, wiping his eye.

I'd rather die than be stuck in your fucked up head any longer.

Harry rushes out of the elevator as soon as the doors open. He runs to his room, getting the door open in record time. Harry rushes into the bathroom, thankfully he’s here alone. He opens his bag, pulling out his friends. Harry picks up a new one and pulls his bracelets off.

He traces his old scars, feeling the many bumps on his arm.

Why don't you cut over them? Maybe it will make you look better, not so ugly anymore.

Harry does as he's told, cutting the lines on his arms, blood flowing everywhere. He loves the color so much. His mind is hazy, he's dizzy, he feels like this is what being high is like.

He hears a something, but thinks nothing of it. He looks at himself in the mirror, glares at his reflection. He's hideous. He lifts his shirt. He pulls at his stomach -that isn’t there-. He’s too fat.

Then he gets an idea. He brings his bleeding arms up to his face and covers it in blood.

You actually look okay, much better than before.

Harry grins at his work. His face covered in beautiful red, his eyes are shining. They haven't done that in so long.

“H-Harry!” Harry looks over at a shocked, terrified Zayn. Zayn’s eyes are wide, his eyes hold tears that are starting to form.

“Look, I'm beautiful.” he beams at the horrified boy, looking back to the mirror to look at the beautiful masterpiece.

Zayn runs over to him once he's out of his shocked state. He grabs Harry's left arm and looks at the damage. He only did a few cuts on both arms.

Zayn sighs and wipes tears from his eyes.

“Let's get you cleaned up.” Zayn says, Harry looks at him in hurt.

“N-No! I'm finally beautiful, you can't take it away from me!” Harry yells, backing away from the advancing Zayn.

“Harry you are beautiful, you don't need to do this to be beautiful. Please, let's get you all cleaned up.” Harry looks at him.

“Y-You think I'm beautiful without this?” Harry asks, his voice small and vulnerable. Zayn nods.

“Yes, you are extremely beautiful Harry. Now please, let me help you clean up.” Harry nods and allows Zayn to come towards him.

“Let's get you in the bath.” Zayn says, turning on the warm water in the bath. Harry let's Zayn undress him, helping him into the tub.

They watch as the clear water turns to red. Harry smiles at it, Zayn only wipes his tears and grabs a small towel.

“Hold this to your wrist, put pressure. We need to stop the bleeding.” Harry does as he’s told without a word.

***

“Are you going to tell the others?” Harry asks. He’s sitting on the bed, looking at the ground as Zayn paces.

“Why Harry? Why would you do this again?” Zayn asks. He stops his pacing, crouching in front of him.

Harry refuses to look at him, turning his head to look at his fingers.

“I like i-it.” Harry whispers. Zayn lifts his head.

“Did you start again because of Louis?” Harry’s eyes widen slightly.

“No. I just want to do it. It feels good.” Harry says. “I want to go to bed. Please don’t tell the others though, I don’t want them to know.” Zayn runs a hand over his face ins frustration. He looks at Harry’s pleading eyes and nods.

“I won’t say anything. Now go to bed.” Harry does as he’s told.  


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short and sort of a filler and I think there is going to be a bit of a time skip in the next chapter, hope you enjoy. xxx

Harry wakes up with a pounding headache. He rolls over to see the sky is still dark, but the city is still alive. Harry groans as he sits up. He looks over and sees that he has only been asleep for an hour.

Harry looks over to the living room to see Zayn was watching the news. Harry gets up cautiously. His head starts to spin and he falls back on the bed.

“Shit Harry. You’re going to be lightheaded, you lost a lot of blood.” Zayn says as he rushes over to Harry. Zayn makes him lay back down.

“Where are the others?” Harry asks.

“In Niall’s room I told them you weren’t feeling good.” Harry nods, looking at his wrapped up wrists.  He smiles and unwraps them, tracing the beautiful scars. Such pretty straight lines.

_Too bad Zayn walked in, he only saved you because he didn’t want you to know that he  actually doesn’t give a fuck about you._

Harry flinches when Zayn puts his hand on Harry’s shoulder.

“Go with them, I don’t want you in here.” Harry spits out, his smiles leaving his face in an instant. Zayn gives him a hurt look, but backs off. He gets up with a sigh and heads towards the door.

“Call me if you need anything.” Harry doesn’t look at him, only getting up and getting back on the bed. Harry closes his eyes,  letting his exhaustion take over him.

******

_Harry smiles as he walks through the front door of his boyfriend’s house. It’s only them for the weekend, Louis’ family went to his grandparents’ house. Harry walks up the stairs to Louis’ room, opening the door to an empty room. Harry walks in with a confused face because this was where Louis told him to go._

_Then the door slams shut and he’s pushed against a wall, hard. Harry sees it’s a fuming Louis who has him pinned tightly against the wall._

_“L-Lou-”_

_“Shut the hell up!” Harry flinches in fear at Louis’ venomous tone, trying to get out of his grip. Louis’ grip on Harry’s wrists tighten, making Harry wince in pain._

_“W-What are y-yo-”_

_“I said shut up, you fucking slut.” Louis growls out. Harry looks at him in shock and fear, tears coming to his eyes, Louis knows how much he hates being called that, how much he hates that word._

_“G-Get off of me!” Harry yells, trying to fight against his stronger boyfriend, failing horribly._

_“You’re such an ungrateful bitch, I give you fucking everything and this is how you repay me? By cheating on me?” Louis yells, pulling Harry off the door and pushing him. Harry trips over a cord, losing his balance and falls on the ground. Harry lets out a pained yelp and whimpers as he tries to get away from the older lad._

_“I didn’t cheat on you!” Harry whimpers as Louis picks him up, yelling out in pain when he feels a sharp, stinging pain on his left cheek. Harry stares at Louis in shock, Louis looking at his hand blankly. Harry looks towards the door, ready to make a run for it. Louis looks up to see Harry’s teary eyes looking at the door and he crumbles._

_“I-I’m so sorry Harry!” Louis cries out, pulling Harry into a hug. Harry flinches away, but that doesn’t stop Louis from holding him tight._

******

Harry shoots up into sitting position as he wakes up. His body is covered in sweat, his chest is heaving like he just ran 5 miles.

He remembers that night so well, it was the first time Louis ever hit him. He was so scared, he didn’t want to stay with Louis for the rest of the weekend. Then Louis started to cry and apologise and he couldn’t find the strength to leave.

It happened so many other times and Harry just couldn’t leave. He wishes he could, but he’s so far in love with him he can’t help it. Harry grabs his hair in frustration, tears gather in his eyes.

“I need to leave.”

******

“You can’t just up and leave. You have concerts and you’re the favorite, you can’t not be there.” Harry glares at Simon.

“I don’t think I can show up with bruises and cuts all over my body can I.” Simon sighs.

“I wish you’d break things off with hi-”

“Yeah, so does everyone else, I get it. What else is new?” Simon runs a tired hand over his face in frustration.

“We really can’t do this right now Harry. If it was up to me I would gladly give you some time to yourself because you really needs some solitude. Hell, if it was up to me I would have called the cops on him by now and gotten him arrested for doing this to you.” Simon sighs, getting up and walking to the other side of the desk, putting his hands on Harry’s shoulders. “But these things aren’t up to me, it’s up to Modest! and I can’t do anything. I try to fight them on most things because I know it’s not what you boys want, but they don’t care. You guys make them big bucks.” Harry sighs, rolling up his sleeves to show his fresh cuts.

“Well who knows if I’ll still be here to make them big bucks if I don’t get some rest.” Simon, refuses to look at them, pulling Harry’s sleeve down.

“I can talk to them about letting you sit out the next concert, but the fans are going to be extremely disappointed.”

_I doubt it, they’d probably scream in happiness that you won’t be there. I know I would._

Harry rolls his eyes in annoyance.

“Fine, forget it. I’ll deal with this shit by myself.” Harry walks out the door, slamming it before he storms to the elevator. He presses the button rapidly, waiting impatiently for the doors to open.

“Something on your mind?” Harry looks up to see Taylor Swift standing there, a smirk on her lips.

“Just irritated is all, management trying to ruin my life as usual.” she chuckles lightly, sighing slightly as she looks up at the numbers above the elevator.

“I understand that, they’re making me date another guy for publicity.” Harry gives her a sad smile.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t had to deal with that,” Harry runs a hand through his hair, “yet.” she grabs his hand, giving it a comforting squeeze.

“Don’t focus on the future, focus on the now and live your dream, that’s all you can do.” he gives her a smile looking over at the elevator when it dings, motioning her forward.

“Lady’s first.” she laughs at him, curtsying before entering the elevator, Harry following after her. Harry hits the number 1 button, standing back. The two stand in silence, the elevator music is the only noise in the tiny box.

“So, is everything okay? You seem sad or angry or both, I can’t decide.” Harry lets out a soft chuckle.

“Everything will be okay eventually. At least I hope it will.” Taylor gives him a worried look before she takes out a pen and grabs Harry’s arm and writing something on his hand.

“What are you doing?” Taylor smiles at him.

“I’m giving you my number,” she finishes writing, putting the cap back on the pen, “so if you need someone who isn’t in your band to talk too, you have me.” he smiles at her, pulling her into a hug. She tenses, but melts into the hug.

“Thank you.” she smiles.

“Don’t mention it.” the elevator dings, the doors opening moments later. They walk out, heading their separate ways with goodbyes.

 


	8. Chapter 8

“There’s my cute little boyfriend I love so much,” Louis sings, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist as he cooks. Harry jumps, relaxing a few seconds later.

 

“You scared the crap out of me.” Harry gasps as his heart began to slow down.

 

“Sorry, baby.” Harry leans back against Louis’ chest, sighing happily. He loves the feeling of being held tightly, feeling safe. Ironically, it's in the arms of the man he's the most afraid of.

 

“What do you want to do for dinner tonight?” Louis presses a kiss to Harry’s chest, tightening his hold on him.

 

“I want to stay in, order room service and cuddle.” Harry lets out a soft sigh, they’ve done that for the past week. Yes, he loves being alone with Louis, but he would like to go out to a restaurant with the other boys and go bowling or something, he just wants to get out of the hotel for something other than the band. “What do you want to do cupcake?” Louis asks sweetly, surprising Harry.

 

“Oh,” Harry has to think for a second, he isn’t used to making decisions or being asked his opinion. “Maybe you, me and the rest of the boys could go out and get something then go bowling? Or ice skating maybe?” Harry asks, his face twisting in a thoughtful look.

 

“Well then, how about you finish up here and I’ll go talk to the boys about it.” Harry smiles and nods. Louis presses a kiss to his neck, moving away to go talk to the boys in Niall’s room.

Harry’s phone goes off as he turns off the stove, switching the pot to a cool burner. He runs into the living room and answers it.

 

“Hello?” He greets happily.

 

“Hello, Harry, it’s Rick. We need to have a meeting with you and Louis, now.” Harry rolls his eyes as Louis walks back in with a smile on his face.

 

“Who are you-” Harry gives him a finger and mouths ‘I’m sorry, hold on a second’ as he pretends to listen to the dick.

 

“We’ll be down after we finish eating because I just finished cooking a nice meal for my boyfriend and I will not let it get cold because you want to talk to us. We’ll be there in two hours at the earliest.” And with that, Harry hangs up and puts his phone in his pocket.

 

“Stupid management,” he mutters, walking over to Louis. “I-I’m sorry about that, Rick called and he just pisses me off so much,” Louis kisses him lightly.

 

“I know, let’s just go have a nice dinner and relax.” They sit down at the table with smiles. But then something catches Louis’ eye.

 

“Whose number is that?” Harry looks down at his arm. Oh, the number hasn't faded off.

 

“Taylor Swift’s. We ran into each other yesterday. She gave it to me in case I needed to talk about things or vice versa. Management screws her over to.” Harry tells him, but Louis hums. He doesn't sound too happy.

 

“So, what things do you need to talk about with the whore of the music business?” Harry groans.

 

“She isn't a whore, and why does it matter? She's nice and seems like she'll be a good friend. What's wrong with me having friends?” Louis bites his tongue.

 

“Nothing, just don't like the thought of her trying to get in your pants is all.” Harry rolls his eyes.

 

“Can we not do this?” Harry sighs, taking a bite if his chicken.

 

“Do what?” Louis puts his fork down and crosses his arms.

 

“You accusing everyone in the entire fucking world of wanting to get in my pants. You do realize that people can like me for who I am and not my dick right?” Harry continues to eat, his stomach feeling a bit nauseous.

 

“I understand that people want you, I don't like people looking at what's mine. You're my baby, I don't like people throwing themselves at you.” Harry rolls his eyes.

 

“But it doesn't bother me that you fuck a girl and flirt with fans? No, because the roles are not the same. I'm yours but you aren't mine, right?” Harry says angrily. He picks his food up, moving to the kitchen. He hears Louis following him.

 

“I am yours, Harry!” Harry slams his hands down on the counter.

 

“But you aren't. If you were, I could get mad at you for flirting with other people but I'm not allowed. If you were mine, I wouldn't have to share you. So are you really mine? Or am I just a toy?” Harry pulls out aluminum foil, placing it over his food and sealing it.

 

“Why do you think that? I love you, Harry, I wouldn't have to deal with half the shit I do if I didn't.” Harry places his plate in the fridge.

 

“What do you have to deal with Louis?” Harry snaps, shutting the door.

 

“Management, Hannah, my parents, the boys, need any more?” Harry rolls his eyes.

 

“If that's all, I don't want to hear it, I'm going to take a nap in my room,” Harry says, and he's gone before Louis could make him stay.

 

******

 

“Boys, this is Taylor, Taylor, this is Harry and Louis,” Taylor shakes Louis’ hand, giving a hug to Harry which he returns happily.

 

“Harry and I met yesterday actually,” Simons smiles, his face holding something that makes Louis' stomach turn.

 

“Fantastic, I assume you two get along?” Harry nods.

 

“She's a sweetheart,” she blushes faintly, but it still pissed Louis off.

 

“Such a charmer Hazza,” Louis takes a hold of Harry's hand, gripping it tightly. Harry looks over at him with concern laced on his facial features. Louis smiles at him tightly.

 

“I do try my best,” he flirts with her, knowing that he has too. It's what he has to do.

 

“Fantastic, you two are dating as of now,” everyone’s hearts drop, feelings consuming them.

 

Taylor looks at Harry, knowing that he's with Louis. She knows about a lot, Harry has told her a lot in the past day. She knows about the abuse, the depression, she even got him to tell her about the cutting. She's honestly afraid for Harry and her both.

 

Harry is shaking as Louis crushes his hands, a crack can be heard throughout the room.

 

“What?” Harry asks, trying to keep a straight face, but he knows something in his hand is broken.

 

“You two are dating, just to get everyone excited about both of your new albums coming out,” and Simon is well aware that he's talking as if Louis wasn't here.

 

Simon does not like Louis, he never has and probably never will. He knows how much he hurts Harry, and he loves Harry the most out of the group. Harry is a son to him and someone hurting him pissed him off to no end. It pains him, though, that Harry lets it happen because he thinks he deserves it.

 

“Well, at least it's with someone I like this time,” Taylor says, trying to lighten the mood. She's more concerned about Harry's hand that's turning black and blue to really care if it worked.

 

“Wonderful, you two will do on a date tomorrow, just walking around and holding hands. Maybe a few kisses on the cheek and lips here and there. Just make sure you play it up,” Louis stands up, not being able to listen to this man anymore. He leaves without a word. Harry frowns.

 

“I'll see you tomorrow Taylor, have a good evening Simon,” and Harry is gone to follow Louis who is in the elevators, holding it when he sees Harry running to him.

 

Harry runs inside, waiting for the doors to close to press a sweet kiss to Louis’ lips.

 

“I love you, she isn't even one of my friends. Please don't be upset,” Harry pleads, only to be silenced by a kiss to his lips.

 

“I don't want her to take you away from me,” Louis says quietly, holding Harry's hips softly, he doesn't want to hurt him.

 

“She won't,” Harry winces when he moves his hand. Louis’ face pales when he realizes that he hurt Harry again.

 

“Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't think I was holding your hand as tight as I was- shit baby I'm sorry.” Louis rambles out, trying to check where it's broken.

 

“I'll wrap it, I'll say I slammed it in the car door. It's okay,” Harry knows that it's not, but he doesn't like seeing Louis distressed.

 

“I'm so sorry,” he presses a kiss to his lips, pulling away when the elevator dings and the doors open.

 

“I'm going to cook dinner tonight and fuck you so slow you'll be begging for me to go faster, but I won't because I just want to make love to you nice and slow,” and Harry feels his heart flutter a bit. He wants that too.

 

“I-Okay,”

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment, kudo, share, bookmark, or subscribe if you want me to continue this.


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